Confronting disappointment

Daily Gratitude

I'm shining today because I'm grateful for:

• Bright sunshine on my face. It's cold, but it's bright. Oh, the glorious light of early spring!
• The job I didn't get. Really? Yes! I thought I'd be sad, but I realized that the boss was kind of wimpy. It appeared that he couldn't handle my strong personality. That would make my world terrible. Can't have a boss that's threatened by my shininess! 
• My friend, Genia. She's so good to me. I went out of town for the weekend and she generously hung out with Eddie dog while I was away. It's so nice knowing he's with his Auntie Genia while I'm gone. 

Today I'm thinking about disappointment

Disappointment has been a big part of my early years. On some level it'll always be part of life. I believe that's the human condition. Yet, I'm getting pretty good at confronting it with confidence and a plan...

Heartbroken

Quite literally, I felt my heart had broken into pieces. Seemingly out of the blue, my husband of 20 some years announced that he was executing an exit plan - he had an apartment and his buddies were coming to move him the next day. And, yes, he was serving me with divorce papers. I was crushed. Are you kidding? After all of the life we had weathered together, the hell and high waters we navigated?

Resentful 

Boy, was I angry. For years I deferred my career advancement because I had kids at home. To move ahead in my field meant relocation. I wouldn't do that to my high school-aged children. When the time finally was right, the economy tanked and with it the administrative position. Seriously? I worked too hard and too long to be denied this!

Out of my mind 

I was about to realize one of my most precious and clung to dreams: an overseas trip. Getting the passport ready, shopping for the perfect walking shoes and mix-and-match clothing, and smart packing had all been done. I was ready for my big trip! A phone call dashed all I had dreamed for in a manner of minutes. My trip was cancelled! I cried, ranted, raved. Why? Why, oh why isn't it ever my turn!

In denial 

Why would I think things were going to be different this time? The births of my children, family funerals, momentous birthdays - all where times it seemed I just might get that close relationship with my parent. But alas, I was always denied any long-term, lasting affection. Maybe if I keep trying. Maybe this time. Maybe this special day, this special thing I will do, will make my emotionally unavailable parent see how much I want to be important to them. Don't think about all the previous times it hasn't made a difference…

A bit dramatic? Maybe. But, these and a myriad of other big and small disappointments are part of my human experience. And, when things got bad, did anyone realize my heart was broken, that I was angry and resentful, or that I was going out of my mind? Pretty much no. My best friend and my sister knew things weren't perfect. However, the rest of the world only saw a smile, determination, and a positive attitude. Isn't that how we're supposed to deal with things? We put on our big girl panties and move forward?

There are all sorts of self-help books, Internet websites filled with stuff, and other kinds of advise out there. Some is helpful, most of it is a message to buck up and be happy. I was already doing that and it didn't serve me. A couple of months ago I experienced yet another letdown. It dawned on me that I could possibly handle things in a new way. I decided to look objectively at how I might better navigate through disappointment.

Here are my thoughts, see if they ring true for you:

It's okay to be upset 

First and foremost, I need to acknowledge my feelings. We have emotions for a reason. They tell us what's happening inside. Sometimes disappointment registers with my body before I realize what's happening with my heart. I can get tense, my stomach hurts, sometimes a cold sore breaks out on my upper lip. These are signs. It's at this point I need to stop and ask myself if I'm annoyed, angry, or hurt. Once identified, I will tell my self I'm disappointed and it's alright to feel that way.

Talk about it 

Really? Let someone know you're not super-human and that you fail now and then? Yes! My sister told me it's good to share with someone you trust that you are feeling humiliated, stupid, or hurt. Not because you need to admit or confess this to someone else. But, because it takes it out of your head and puts your feelings into words. This helps to stop the spin-cycle. From there, you can discuss what you're feeling with someone who cares about you. I'm so blessed to have a best friend and a dear sister who have my best interest in mind. I will spill the beans with one or both (probably both!) of them.

The evidence 

When I feel someone has let me down, I have to ask myself if I've created something that wasn't necessarily agreed to by the other party. By going back over conversations, even written agreements, for the purpose of objectively gathering what the other party intended, I can see if I created my own expectations. I know that this won't always be the case. There will be times that people blatantly drop the ball or fall short. But, if I find that I built up a situation in my heart or mind, I will be better able to address what is mine and what is theirs.

What can I change? 

Looking at my disappointment to see what can be changed and what can't is helpful. By asking myself if there are elements in a situation that I can change to make things better, I can lessen the impact. Sometimes there are simple corrections or shifts I can make that will put me in a new direction. Other times there are more long-range plans I can make. This gives me a plan to work on. There may be times that there's nothing I can do to impact my circumstance. But, going through the process will put me in a good position to know where I'm at.

Trust in the Divine 

After feeling, talking, evidence gathering, and changing all that can be changed, I may find that I am simply left with a bad thing. What happens now? Is this where the big girl panties come in and I have to grin and bear it? No. Bad things happen to us. It's an element of being human. I firmly believe that God can take a bad thing and make something beautiful from it. I have seen evidence of this over and over again. When there is a disappointment and I can't do one single thing to impact it, I am gladly going to give it over. Divine direction is much better than my own! The next time I have a big, bad disappointment, and I've done my part, I'm going to let go and see what good plan is in store for me. I know it's going to be amazing and I won't be able stay disappointed for long.

And, that's how I'm confronting disappointment!

Little birds everywhere

Daily Gratitude

I'm shining today because I'm grateful for:

• My daughter's parking ticket. Really? Yes! It's from the university she's attending. To me it's a reminder that she's doing really awesome things and has a plan she's pursuing. Now, the ticket itself... I'm sending it to her! 
• The geese honking in the early morning. While walking Eddie dog, a bunch of noisy geese flew loudly overhead. I think they were making plans for a spring party at the lake. 
• Nice people on the freeway. Now, you don't hear that too often, do you? Yesterday a man beeped his horn at me while I was driving along, minding my own business. He had a note pushed up to his window saying, "low air in front right tire." Nice, huh? I thought so. 

Funny thing about birds...

My bestie, Debbie, and I are always on the prowl for vintage treasures. Yesterday we stopped by Roost, one of our favorite places. And, what do you know, I found a bird treasure. What better thing to get than a cloche with a bird on it!

It's no surprise to most of my friends that I'd get another bird for the house. It was pointed out by first Debbie, then later my friend Genia, that I have birds all over my home. Which is a crack up, because I suffer from a mild case of ornithophobia. Hmmmm... 

I guess this bird collecting was started by my grandmother and perpetuated by mom. Grandma loved her forest and garden birds. Each spring, mom eagerly awaits the return of her precious blue birds. Apparently, I have continued the legacy.

Looking around my home, birds nest in every room. Here's one that sits in my kitchen window, a friend guarding my plant and wishing it good things. 

This darling chickadee with acorns was one of grandma's favorite birds. When she passed, I was so pleased to have it. The piece reminds me of the times spent in her garden, the light trill of chickadee calls on the breeze.

This graceful, golden bird sits on my mantle, a treasure found at the Funky Junk show in Sandpoint, Idaho. 

Here sits a happy yellow bird. He's happy because a sweet piece of art by Cori Dantini is his companion. 

Grandma's brother brought this little guy home from Russia. He's only about 1.5" tall. A special treasure for his bird-loving sister. He is snuggled in a special spot in my china hutch.

Bird art is on the walls as well. This picture of a trio of birds is one of a set that I love dearly. The rusts, copper and grays are beautiful against my olive green walls. 

Here is one of my favorite thrift store finds! The bright orange vase and lively colors of the blue bird and flowers bring a pop of energy to a bookshelf. 

Two resting birds add to the sense of tranquility in my spa-like bathroom. Here they enjoy the morning light in the stained glass window. 

The plate that hangs in my bedroom is pretty vintage Paragon tea ware. It was produced as a souvenir for the 1930 birth of Princess Margaret Rose. Next to it, a chippy candle sconce from a darling boutique.

One of a pair of perched birds who guard my kitchen. I love how they make the entry way special.

Here a bird, there a bird...

Hmmmm..... there are quite a few more as I look around the place. I think I'll save them for another day. But, Debbie and Genia are right, there ARE little birds everywhere! 

Soup's on the stove

Daily Gratitude

I'm shining today because I'm grateful for:

• Blue nail polish. I know, seems silly. Yet, it brings a pop of color on a grey day. Little joys such as this really do make me happy. 
• Train, the neighbor dog. OMG! He's the most beautiful, loving creature. Train is a pit-bulldog mix. His brindle coat is healthy and shiny. Eddie dog and Train tear around faster than lightening, yipping and barking with joy. Train is bigger than his buddy Eddie, but he is careful to not hurt him. When I come home, Train greets me with a big bark and lots of tail wagging. I love him.
• Have I told you how much I love my bed? I have, haven't I. Well, I do. And, today I'm grateful for it again. 

Soup's on the Stove

It's a cold February afternoon and soup sounded like a good idea. Mmmmm, it was a fantastic idea! Before I forget what I put in the pot, I thought I'd share it here.

Cold Winter Soup

2 lbs. stew meat

2 T. olive oil

1 small onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 vegetable bouillon cube (no MSG)

32 oz. vegetable broth 

14.5 oz. can fire roasted tomatoes

3 carrots, chopped

2 stalks celery, chopped

2 cups kale, coarsely chopped

3.8 oz. can sliced black olives

15 oz. can kidney beans

Salt to taste

In a large pot, quickly brown the stew meat in olive oil. Toss in the onion and garlic to saute. Add bouillon and broth. Stir to break up bouillon cube. Add the tomatoes, carrots, celery, and kale. Turn down the heat to simmer and let cook for a couple of hours. Check that there is plenty of liquid. You may need to add a bit. Thirty minutes or so before serving, add black olives and kidney beans. Add salt as needed.

My tummy was so happy! I added an apple for a perfect lunch.

If I was serving it for dinner, I'd make up a batch of home baked bread or herbed biscuits to serve along side the soup. A nice green salad would do nicely as well.

Cold wintry weather is hot, hearty soup weather. It sure felt homey having soup on the stove!